For me, these moments come. These moments where my every dream seems shattered and broken on the ﬂoor. My thoughts lead to how He never comes how I want Him too. His ways rarely look how I thought they would, or should. His timing does not seem perfect. And as my thoughts lead to disappointment, anger, and despair, I stop believing that His ways are above my ways. I start wondering if maybe my design is better than the Designer’s.
This was my December.
Last month He hit me hard. He challenged me to truly face what I believe. He showed me my control and manipulation. He showed me my plans and my dreams, the ones, that I hadnʼt fully surrender to Him. He asked me time and time again, “Are your boundary lines in pleasant places, are the purposes I have for you good, are my dreams fuller than the ones you created, do I come to give abundant life?”
Throughout Advent I realized that God has never come as we quite expect. Our God let Sarah get past the right age, Noah watched his world be ﬂooded, Joseph lived forgotten in a prison, David started his kingship surrounded by disgruntled men living in a cave, Daniel was an advisor to a pagan king, Mary got pregnant a couple months too early, the King came as baby, and the Savior died on a cross. I doubt any of these circumstances looked how the heroes of our faith expected.
The people of God have always been confused by His ways. And sadly, have tried to control, have gotten offended, and have walked away from him during the process. The Israelites, the Pharisees, and us Christians have all done it. And how my heart is the same. Only by His abundant, ﬁery grace, have I stayed anchored to His feet.
The question today is not whether you or I will be offended in our journey with God. The question is what we will do with that offense? Will we be like the crowds and even some of Jesusʼ own disciples who turn back? Like in John 6 when hearing that they would have to “eat His ﬂesh and drink His blood to have eternal life” they depart. Missing the greatest story they had chance to be a part of because they could not comprehend. Or will we resolve that our offense is not a worthy reason to turn around compared to the worthiness of God? I am standing with the twelve, echoing Peterʼs words, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” Those words have become my whispered weapon in the midst of offense, silencing the lies of the enemy and the temporal temptations of this world.
And today, I awake challenged. To once again say, “Lord, not my will, but yours.” Jesus, let me lose my life, to gain. My story for your glory. Not my manicured plans, but your crazy, wild adventure. Not my black and white life, but your abundant one. Come surprise me. Do it your way. Give me the grace to wait and watch this beautiful masterpiece be painted out of the messiness of my soul. And Lord, let my offense not give way to my turning back. Because, really, where else can I go?
By Carrie Bach, Member of the Senior Leadership Team